me me me, laugh it off, don't be silly

Last week on women's hour there was a piece about a new book, the author was on to talk about it and some other lady as the counterpoint.

The Selfish Society and why we need more empathy in public life. In her new book, psychoanalytic psychotherapist Sue Gerhardt argues that our society is heading or indeed has already arrived at a kind of consumer mania where values such as care, attention and empathy are ignored at all levels of society. She discusses these issues with Kate Stanley, director of Citizens, Society and Economy at the Institute for Public Research.


listen!

It seemed to me that Sue Gerhardt started off making a strong point about how people's selfish attitudes affect our everyday lives to quite a hefty extent. And then it all descended into utter rubbish.

Surely there are great acts of kindness and selflessness everyday? Not everyone thinks like a ruthless evil banker?  What about all the people that give up their time to look after sick or elderly relatives? Har har har, don't be silly, we're ok really!

No.

It seems that someone has tried to point out to everyone that most people are quietly but fundamentally crap and that thought has been jauntily rubbished. Maybe George W Bush was selfish because his mum was hard on him, he made stuff bad for a bit but it's ok now. Pardon? That is some kind of big famous example that steals all the limelight from all the real examples of people being bad.

People putting their feet on the seat on the bus. Someone else not only has to ask you to make space for them but then they have to sit on all the shit you have bought in on you shoes.

Allowing your dog to poop on the street or in the park or anywhere other than your own private garden and not picking it up and making everyone else look out as there may be poop where they are.

Throwing your rubbish on the floor.

Not recycling because you can't be bothered to put it in a different bin.

Not ever taking a bag with you to the shop.

Pushing all the other people in the queue to get on or off transport, or not moving away from the door to let people off, or jumping onto the train and shoving everyone else, or not moving down to the big empty space to let people on.

Leaving the heater on over night or over the weekend just so its warm straight away when you come in in the morning.

Borrowing work stuff and then just leaving it somewhere and forgetting about it. It's not yours so it doesn't matter.

Not answering the actual questions asked in an e-mail sent with questions clearly set out, just saying something general and of your choice about the subject.

Taking up all of the pavement whilst walking with your group/waiting for the bus and making others either squeeze by/walk in the road/be obliged to ask you to move.

Sitting in the aisle seat when the window seat is free so others, again, have to ask you to move.

Speaking on the telephone whilst driving.

Pulling up into the yellow crossed or bike box at a crossing.

Buying up old fashioned light bulbs from the market because they are cheap.


Maybe you get my point. These things are all very importantly bad. These things affect other people, make things unpleasant and force others to have to take a level of responsibility for the behaviours of others. It is so very selfish and the small actions like these are often more impactful than the abstract symbols of selfishness, urrgh, the bankers, that are pointed to as the root of all evil.

Look at yourselves.

Sort yourself out.

I am sad that on woman's hour they didn't say that. People wouldn't like to be told that though. It was pathetic that the topic was turned into a joke. I haven't read the book so I can't really comment on the content of it, maybe she actually says all of this.

I found this article from the times and to give a little insight into the contents of the book it's quite interesting but it is mostly the comments and tone of the article itself that is intruiging. It's the same old thing... blah blah my child went to nursery and he is fine etc etc. But do you do and therefore encourage all those little inconsiderate actions? People are so blind.

I should say now that I am a selfish person, I look out for myself and my loved ones, I want a nice life for myself. But not at the expense of others. I do not put myself on anyone except ralph, who has given me permission to do so.

I think that maybe the crux is in this, the responsibility you push to others and maybe even the idea of community. I have some things to say about community a bit later. Maybe the idea of community is a false one and a selfish outlook with conditions of not impacting on others would be a better set up for society. Is that a bit like what ayn rand talks about?

unbelievable actions

I get angry at the way people behave all the time. I finally have photographic evidence to back up my stance, so my crossness can be directed here.

My office at work has a shared kitchen and bathroom, the people from the church use it, as do the montessori teachers when they have a class next door and the singing group. It's not ideal but it is ok, sometimes there is widdle on the toilet seat, or poop on the floor, crisps on the worktop, gunk in the fridge. But what made me cross was this...

It says 'please put in dishwasher on sunday".

Firstly its four cups so I'm sure it wouldn't have been too much effort to just wash them, you know, the old fashioned way, in the nearby sink with a sponge and washing up liquid. But if not, there's the dishwasher, just there, under the draining board. Oooh, the door is even open.

But to leave them on the side and then write a note asking someone else to put them in the dishwasher is just shit. I hate this kind of gentle delegation of responsibility. How is it people feel that they can push a task quietly onto another person? For anyone else to object to such a small request would seem petty or lazy but it's so disrespectful to put someone in that position. How dare you ask that of someone. It's these little things that are so indicative of why people are so utterly crap. I sincerely would not ever, if I had time to write a note to do so, request someone else to do something that was mine to do. That would be my responsibility.

Also, I had an interesting experience on the d3 bus when a boy shoved me. He was sitting in the seat behind me and I turned around and asked him not to push me. What he said was "was it me? was it me? was it me?". I said that it probably was either him or his friend and he told me it wasn't him as he was smoking a cigarette. What a total moron. I felt really sorry for his buddies because this guy was such a dimwit. I wish there was something better to do with people like this. At the moment I'm most in favour of grinding them up into plant food.

next, moisture hunt

Lovely neal's yard palmarosa. Although I'm not sure that plant at the side there is palmarosa, seeing as palmarosa is a plant like lemon grass.

I embarked on the expedition to find a moisturiser that is good. I have used one from boots for ages and it's been ok, I was happy, all was well. I had a sample of neal's yard palmarosa and it did things, it fixed my skin and made it nicer. But no, it's not to be, it hates the concealer, it will not tolerate it. So now the hunt is on, for a moisturiser that is useful and doesn't have odd things in and is made from exciting wild ingredients. Or I'll have to give in and get a new bottle of the boring boots for my face and a beautiful jar of palmarosa for my forehead. Ridiculous.

Here are the samples I managed to get...

So far, aubrey organics blue green algae made my face go weird. So I have stopped testing it. Dr wendy is nice but didn't clear up the mess made by algae, smells good. A day off and dr hauschka fixed my forehead and now today I got to try the pai. It's not in the picture above because I have been waiting for it to arrive, it took quite a while. It's good though...and the most expensive in my test so far. Whoops. But I'll see how it goes over the next week or so. I really want to have to get it, but know I shouldn't.

The frustrating thing about this one is that the ingredients list is super simple to the point where I could buy all the bits and make it myself. I'd have to get some help maybe and try a few formulations, as they say, but I'm sure it's not beyond me. Maybe? Hmmm.

Anyone who would like to send me samples is more than welcome... please? I'll write about them and buy a big bottle if it's good.

nails

So I have the second attempt at a clay like nail varnish. Zoya Nail Polish 14ml - Mia.

I like it, it is great. Although a bit pinker than I was planning for but still great, had it on every day really.

I'm very much sold on zoya. I had my hand in a bag of coarse grade horticultural grit, digging out great handfulls and my nails came out intact. Crikey.

Back to find the perfect colour, a collection is building.

chop chop catch up

Right, I've been thinking about writing all this for ages, weeks and weeks and weeks. 16 days in fact.

So we have been having loads of fun with the magimix. It is lovely.

The best thing so far is the grating. Ralph likes to chop onions up very small. Here are some lovely grated carrots and beetroot...

On this note, I think I'm going to enter a bento competition with some kind of grated wonder bento dinner. Its at just bento and there are prizes.

keep busy keep warm

Well, it is a good theory.

I am very chilly.

Our boiler made a huff and dribbled and is broken. Apparently a valve has to be ordered. In the mean time it is cold in our house.

So I'm trying to do things.

I finally ordered the machine of myth...

I was quite efficient and didn't spend weeks hunting for a place to get it. Good price from casawares. I was a bit sad not to be getting it from john lewis but it was £20 more expensive, and it seems they don't do price matching on internet shops. The man was so helpful I did want to let him do the sale and get the commission. I think he said he's only there on either a wednesday or thursday but if you'd like to chat to a lovely magimix rep go and see him at john lewis on oxford street. He explained all about the coffee machines too.

In the nice weather yesterday I did the majority of the gardening. It was warmer outside than in the house. When I moved I brought a very full balcony worth of planters full of garden and they needed to get put in our bare garden. Here is the old garden and our new garden.

 

Bleak.
The birds have finally realised that our garden has food. Lots of other beasts too including the ones with no manners that pooped in a pot next to a hyacinth.

Wilkos had some helleborus niger for £1.50, but I haven't got around to planting them yet. I love hellebores very much, particularly the pink/red/mauve ones. Will see how these go and then maybe get some more special ones.

It is very exciting to be in spring.