me me me, laugh it off, don't be silly

Last week on women's hour there was a piece about a new book, the author was on to talk about it and some other lady as the counterpoint.

The Selfish Society and why we need more empathy in public life. In her new book, psychoanalytic psychotherapist Sue Gerhardt argues that our society is heading or indeed has already arrived at a kind of consumer mania where values such as care, attention and empathy are ignored at all levels of society. She discusses these issues with Kate Stanley, director of Citizens, Society and Economy at the Institute for Public Research.


listen!

It seemed to me that Sue Gerhardt started off making a strong point about how people's selfish attitudes affect our everyday lives to quite a hefty extent. And then it all descended into utter rubbish.

Surely there are great acts of kindness and selflessness everyday? Not everyone thinks like a ruthless evil banker?  What about all the people that give up their time to look after sick or elderly relatives? Har har har, don't be silly, we're ok really!

No.

It seems that someone has tried to point out to everyone that most people are quietly but fundamentally crap and that thought has been jauntily rubbished. Maybe George W Bush was selfish because his mum was hard on him, he made stuff bad for a bit but it's ok now. Pardon? That is some kind of big famous example that steals all the limelight from all the real examples of people being bad.

People putting their feet on the seat on the bus. Someone else not only has to ask you to make space for them but then they have to sit on all the shit you have bought in on you shoes.

Allowing your dog to poop on the street or in the park or anywhere other than your own private garden and not picking it up and making everyone else look out as there may be poop where they are.

Throwing your rubbish on the floor.

Not recycling because you can't be bothered to put it in a different bin.

Not ever taking a bag with you to the shop.

Pushing all the other people in the queue to get on or off transport, or not moving away from the door to let people off, or jumping onto the train and shoving everyone else, or not moving down to the big empty space to let people on.

Leaving the heater on over night or over the weekend just so its warm straight away when you come in in the morning.

Borrowing work stuff and then just leaving it somewhere and forgetting about it. It's not yours so it doesn't matter.

Not answering the actual questions asked in an e-mail sent with questions clearly set out, just saying something general and of your choice about the subject.

Taking up all of the pavement whilst walking with your group/waiting for the bus and making others either squeeze by/walk in the road/be obliged to ask you to move.

Sitting in the aisle seat when the window seat is free so others, again, have to ask you to move.

Speaking on the telephone whilst driving.

Pulling up into the yellow crossed or bike box at a crossing.

Buying up old fashioned light bulbs from the market because they are cheap.


Maybe you get my point. These things are all very importantly bad. These things affect other people, make things unpleasant and force others to have to take a level of responsibility for the behaviours of others. It is so very selfish and the small actions like these are often more impactful than the abstract symbols of selfishness, urrgh, the bankers, that are pointed to as the root of all evil.

Look at yourselves.

Sort yourself out.

I am sad that on woman's hour they didn't say that. People wouldn't like to be told that though. It was pathetic that the topic was turned into a joke. I haven't read the book so I can't really comment on the content of it, maybe she actually says all of this.

I found this article from the times and to give a little insight into the contents of the book it's quite interesting but it is mostly the comments and tone of the article itself that is intruiging. It's the same old thing... blah blah my child went to nursery and he is fine etc etc. But do you do and therefore encourage all those little inconsiderate actions? People are so blind.

I should say now that I am a selfish person, I look out for myself and my loved ones, I want a nice life for myself. But not at the expense of others. I do not put myself on anyone except ralph, who has given me permission to do so.

I think that maybe the crux is in this, the responsibility you push to others and maybe even the idea of community. I have some things to say about community a bit later. Maybe the idea of community is a false one and a selfish outlook with conditions of not impacting on others would be a better set up for society. Is that a bit like what ayn rand talks about?